The Apostrophiser
Zorro lives in Bristol. Well, maybe not the Mexican hombre in black, but certainly his West Country cousin.
With a succinct zip-zit-zap of his flexy steel sword spelling out the Z, the first letter of his name, Zorro, the avenger of justice in yesteryear's Spanish California is no more. There is no more popping of buttons or tearing of silk, but, with certainty, now there is someone to take his place. And he not on a 1960s TV screen. He is here on the streets of our Bristol.
It is the Apostrophiser.
In the black of night, for the past thirteen years, this gallahad has been redressing wrongs, vindicating ignorance by adding or removing the offending apostrophe from the retail signage of Bristol. Shop fronts are his beat. He is a proof-reader on the move.
With his specialized brush reaching high. "Amys Nail's" becomes "Amy's Nails" and the world is set right.
Carefully matching both font and colour, the apostrophiser, the tool, is held aloft by the Apostrophiser, the man. Precut punctuation is added. With a twist of the stick, a small roller seals it in place. Where there was once no apostrophe, there now is. And it is a perfect fit.
With the same speed and dexterity and a bit of paint, industrial strength white-out, an offending flying comma is removed. Order restored. Error no more.
The Apostrophiser has been called the Banksy of grammar, recalling the fame of another anonymous Bristolian with a brush and a mission. But our man is no celebrated graffiti artist. His handiwork is not sealed behind protective glass, trucked to the auction house or toasted and photographed by art students and tourists alike. The Apostrophiser goes unnoticed. He simply brings honour to his city as he sets things right.
"I thank him for what he's done," says the owner of Cambridge Motors (formerly Cambridge Motor's). "It's good to see people still caring about English grammar, isn't it?"
Like Zorro, order follows in the Apostrophiser's wake. And in that, he takes pride. One apostrophe at a time.
